Giving with a spoon and taking back with a shovel

When someone does us a small favor but later demands something much greater in return or constantly reminds us of that kindness as if holding it over our heads, we say they are "giving with a spoon and taking back with a ladle". Have you ever had a friend give you a tiny eraser and then spend the whole day using your most precious belongings? Sometimes in daily life we encounter exactly such situations.

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In Turkish, we use idioms to express our emotions or experiences more vividly. This idiom means acting as if one is suffering from the kindness they have shown. Doesn’t it seem unfair to give someone something as small as a spoonful and then demand back something as large as a ladleful? For example, one day someone gives you a small gift, and you are very happy. But the next day, that person asks you for your favorite toy—and insists on keeping it! At that moment, you might think to yourself, "They gave me a spoonful and took back a ladleful!" Because the small kindness is completely overshadowed by the large demand in return.

In the past, people frequently used kitchen utensils when cooking or distributing food. A spoon, as we all know, is a small measure. A ladle, by contrast, can hold perhaps ten times as much food and is much larger. Therefore, our ancestors chose these two kitchen tools as examples to describe people who offer a tiny favor but expect a much greater return. Fairness is as important in life as waiting your turn in a game. Kindness must also be given fairly, without expecting anything in return. When someone does us a kindness, we thank them. But if the person who gave the kindness constantly expects repayment, it can damage the love and friendship between us.

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In true friendship, there is no accounting. We do not think, "I gave you this, so you must give me that." Kindness must be done only because it comes from within. After all, the true reward of kindness is seeing the happiness of the person you helped. Help offered with the expectation of return can eventually become a case of "giving with a spoon and taking back with a ladle". Therefore, we must help others sincerely, and we must also hope that everyone who offers kindness does so with genuine goodwill.